Troubled Teens Stories 1
Here are some excerpts from message boards on the internet about others who have troubled teens and their frustrations as well as ideas for improvement. You are not alone. Note: names have been removed for privacy reason.
I have so much going on here it’s not even funny! My 12 yo doesn’t tell me squat, she is VERY tight-lipped and secretive (when on the phone w/friends… .I try to have her chat w/her friends in the LR as opposed to her bedroom. She has been doing more things at 12 than I did at 19…. I printed out your reply and showed it to my husband (her father). He said everything you wrote IS a good idea! BUT made NO MENTION of being a participant in any of it. I think a lot of my teens’s troubled behaviors have stemmed from my husband and I having another child when she was 8. She wanted no part of my pregnancy and was very angry about the idea of having a sibling! She told me (when she was 8) she was afraid that the new baby would take up all our time and leave no time for her. I tried to explain to her that in the beginning a newborn does take up a lot of their parent’s time and I tried to reassure her that she would not be forgotten. UNFORTUNATELY we had no idea the baby would have developmental delays and she is also expressive speech delayed! We really haven’t been balancing everything the way we should be, to keep the first born happy. Because the ‘baby’ (who is now 4 1/2 yo) has certain troubled behaviors, we are not able to go do fun things that we use to be able to do, before the baby came along. The little one has to be watched constantly or she will wander away, so that means our attention is ALWAYS focused on her instead of the older one. It leaves us with having to spend one-on-one time with our 12 yr. old teen, individually, as the other parent has to watch/take care of the younger sibling. My husband is not stepping up to the plate, to spend time with her as he should be doing. I do my part, what I can with her. It is a constant battle over here between my husband and myself, with me “nagging” him to interact with her. I think perhaps she feels unimportant within the family, as my husband monopolizes the TV set every evening AND when he’s not watching TV he is playing guitar, so that leaves little time for anyone else. Just yesterday when the case manager came over (as she does every 2 wks) she writes up a Goals list for my teen to try to attain, it incorporates the goals she sets for herself (usually 2) and what our strengths/weaknesse s are as a family, and how can we improve upon them. My teen pont blank told her father he spends too much time on the guitar and on the computer and she would like to see him stop that. SO he told her OK and he would like for her to spend more time in the livingroom and less time in her bedroom!!! He kept his end of the ‘bargain’ yesterday, let’s see what happens today!!!
It’s so comforting to know that these stages of life (pre-teen/teenage years) are just a troubled stage, and that there is light at the end of the tunnel. When it’s happening though it feels like it is never ending. My 12 yo thinks she knows it all, her famous line is….”I KNOW.” It’s just scary that she’s making all the wrong decisions in order to feel accepted by her teenage peers, in wanting friendships, and not realizing that if these kids were your friends they would not subject you to these things. I can only hope that in time she will be able to tell the difference between a real friend and someone who is not. And of course, think before she acts (she’s very impulsive).
Look I had a teen that did the same thing, but the school could have cared less. I and my husband spent most of are morning looking for him. he also was a great kid till he hit 16, the famous troubled teens years. but he started being rude and deviant, and believe me we fought back. we saw doctors which he played off of they thought he was a wonderful kid, meds he would not take, we even put him in rehab and all that did was hook him up with more drugs and people, he shook the house and his family to the core. we took what we could away. but he had a job and could replace most of it. when he hit 18 my husband said you have three choices now. you can either get the hell out of our house go to college or go into the military. he has been a navy corpsman for the last six years, works with the marines right now taking care of there medical needs. and has seem to find a place were he fits in. he has turned into a wonderful man but he still fights those demons in his head from time to time ,so he puts his anger into exercising. you do have a choice when he hits 18 he doesnt have the right to stay in your house anymore . he is a grown man, so if he cant play by the rules of your house out he goes. I know its hard but he and only he put him self in this spot..
I hate to tell you but it only gets worse from here on out unless you do something now. The reason I know is I have a 17 year old teenwho is 5 months from being 18. Out of control is not the word for this kid! He used to be the best kid you could ever ask for until he turned 16. Then boom! He changed like day to night in a hurry into a troubled nightmare.
It was not until we got a call from the school that my teen was video taped leaving the school during the day. Thank God for the cameras they have outside the building to tape everything. He was even taped smoking and even smoking pot on school grounds. He was followed by other students who followed him to several different parks and caught him and his friends buy drugs and smoking them. He had a total of 5 teens in the car with him when he did this.
So when I got a call from the school on this we confronted him about this. Anger raged 4 miles high in the sky. Telling me how much of a liar I was and that he was going to call the school right away and start yelling at them because it was a lie. We told him fess up now and your punishment would go much lighter than if we find out the real truth in school. He tried to convince us that he only did it that one day and was only going to get his check and that was it.
You know my jaw latterly hit the floor when I had found out he skipped 9 days of school? I was dumb founded I did not know what to think. This perfect child I had ended up doing this? Come to find out the boys he was running around was nothing but trouble. I called the parents up of these teens and told them “If your child is caught with in 3 feet of my kid I am pressing charges against you and your kid.” If you do not think I got angry parents because of this telling me their kid was perfect when the RSO brought up these kids court records. I thought yep those kids are a prime example. Things only escalated from there. We took all privileges away, his car away for 9 months made him ride the bus and so on so forth.
This summer he was starting to go back to the good kid until school started again! Back to his usual excuse the expression but “Asshole self again.” Back to world war 3 again this year. BUT – it has gotten worse. Not only does he want to come and go as he sees if. He bought his own car put it in his own name, process to cause havoc in the house, daily it is a non stop scream and yell match with him. One day my teen called him a nit wit. He shoved her down on the ground and called her a stupid whore, bitch, cunt. We yelled at him about this. Calling us those kind of names, threaten to kill someone or us all the time. You better sleep lightly cause if your in the house I will burn it down with you in it, or you will find yourself chopped up in little pieces, he keeps telling us. Even one day he has a habit of cleaning is rifles for hunting and told my 13 year old “Don’t speak to no one with a gun in their hand!” We did not know what to do. So we drug my 17’s year old little butt to school and went to speak to what is called the RSO (Resource Sherriff Officer) he works for the local police department. We told him what was going on and had been going on. My troubled teen threatens to run away when he wanted to and we could not do anything for 48 hours he said.
GUESS WHAT?? He was wrong. In talking with the RSO at school we found out any time your teen leaves home without your permission you can call the local law enforcement and demand to the law enforcement YOU WANT TO FILE A OUT OF CONTROL REPORT! Your child skips school this is cause for a OUT OF CONTROL REPORT and could be filed with the RSO at school. RSO at school said to document EVERYTHING and every time they get out of control. It is sad we as parents have to do this to our teens but I am like you we cannot afford to send him to a hospital for help, counseling does not work at all because they think they know what is best but until they live with the kids we have to live with they don’t know anything! Boot camps are way to costly however you can get Sergeant Raymond Mosses to come to your home for a fee I do not know how much but I thought of selling what I could to pay to get him to come deal with my kid it would be well worth the money spent because I seen how he was on the Jenny Jones Show. We have medical insurance but it is surprising how much they will not cover and how NO ONE WILL HELP Out.
My husband and I are so wore down it is unreal. We had him move out for a week, to have him come back begging and promising not to do that again because he found out what it was like to be a adult. No money, no medication, nothing. We guess what that lasted 3 days and back to his self again! It has gotten to the point where now we document everything and every time we call the law on our teen. We do not hesitate to call the law. We got the RSO at school involved. Anything. I am telling you no one will help us out. You get enough of OUT OF CONTROL REPORTS your teen will then get a his/her court date. They will get their day before the judge, they will get held accountable for every action they have done and mostly when you documented everything. They will either get a Probation Officer or have to do community service like 300 hours worth, or spend time in juvenile jail. After the age of 15 they can be tried as adult for all their actions! The RSO told us.
But honey seriously thinks about it. What other recourse do you have? We never thought we would have to file on our teens and have them arrested but we have to do what we have to do to save our other teens and ourselves. If we don’t do something about it now, the law will look at it like you screwed up as a parent now we will come after you for it. Make your teen responsible for their own actions! They want to be adult do like the RSO told our teen, ok it cost you $5.00 to eat dinner. You do not have the $5.00 then you do not have dinner. And the same way with their rooms, Oh you want your room and your adult? Cost you $75.00 a week for heat, laundry service, and a roof over your head. Don’t have the money for it then I guess you will have to sleep on the floor in front of the fireplace in the living room without a blanket or pillow. I could not believe some of the good points this RSO told us in front of our teen. We cannot reach our teen and seems like we are hitting brick walls. We finally resorted to what the RSO has recommended. My 17 year old wants to join the Air Force but he cannot get in if he gets a police record and believe me he has settled down some but he knows we will call and get those OUT OF CONTROL reports going. I hope this works for you and let me know how it goes.
Also too there is a free support group for just parents I would hope in your area. Ours in Idaho is in Boise and is every Tuesday night. But go log on to www.becauseiloveyou .org I emailed the person in charge here. WONDERFUL person he is and the pointers he gave are just great! Try to get into one of those support groups does not cost anything. We do not have the money to put out on our kid who does not care about anyone but himself. We always said If Devin is not happy then no one is going to be happy and believe me it is happening this way.
Sorry everyone this is so long but I felt I had to share my story as well. I do hope this helps, please let me know how it is going and I will with you all about my troubled teen. I just want the kid back I had 2 years ago is that so much to ask?
I can’t seem to reach my 14 yr old teen. She is the most troubled and disrespectful child that I have ever seen. She has a support team working for her but she just dosen’t care. She feels that she can just come and go when and where she wants. She is involved with known gang members that live in ny neighborhood. She skips school when she feels like it. She is totally out of control. I want to put her away somewhere but no one will help me. When she runs away the police just bring her back and she is worse. She has no respect for them or me or anyone else. I am not a rich woman. I can’t afford thousands for boot camps or anything like that. Any suggestions?
I have a 12 yr. old troubled teen who thinks she is 20 and feels she can do whatever she wants irregardless of rules and our feelings. She is very strongwilled, has always been. Was diagnosed by a psychologist she was seeing with Oppositional Defiant Disorder. Over this past Summer she ran away, for 8 hours (would’ve been longer if I did not find her). She was smoking cigarettes AND marijuana, and drinking alcohol. We took away A LOT of privileges including friends, neighborhood walks (going to the playground/middle school w/o an adult), sleepovers have been banned, computer usuage is gone (for creating a nasty user id name AND a myspace account AFTER she was told repeatedly she could not create one). After a couple of months, we gave her back her friends w/the understanding they come here to the house to socialize. She wasn’t allowed to go to their house nor walk the neighborhood. Her behavior seemed to get better.
I got her involved in a couple of youth programs, one a case manager comes to the house once a week for an entire month straight, to give us referrals and check on things; then after that time period we were assigned another case manager who comes to the house every 2 wks until her services are no longer required. The other youth group is actually for teenagers w/issues, it’s a teen leadership type of group. I think it’s actually turning out to be a bad thing instead of what it is meant to do, for teenagers. Well where my teen is concerned anyway. She is there more to socialize w/the kids than to learn something. We had been going to a Mediator from August to November, that was a waste of time as she didn’t do anything that was asked of her.
I just found out yesterday she has been “drinking tea” and “doing tea”, which is either smoking cigarettes or marijuana; as well as drinking alcohol. AND there is a rumour circulating at her school that she has vehemently denied, but yesterday I found something she had written in her journal implying it is true…..and it involves some boys and is NOT pretty (for lack of a better word).
You know honey, this is only anger him more. I know for a fact my troubled teen has done everything under the sun. He knows mechiancal things like the back of your hand. Maybe your teen does too. We finally had to just file out of control reports with the law on our teen. He has court dates to face. This is kind of straighting him out to a point knowing he may have to not answer to us as parents but a PO. Something to think about.
Has she been evaluated at all by the school psychologist or other mental health counselor? In the mean time keep a daily journal of her moods behavior etc. Take note of what time of her behavior begins, what room she acts out the most, for my teen it was always the kitchen which is very dangerous. Be a detective try to figure out the goal for her behavior using the ABC method. A= anticedent which means what happend before the behavior B= Behavior C= consequence. There is a really good book called common Sence Parenting used by Boys Town USA it costs about $14-$15 and it truly is commone sense. It will give you some simple and clear techniques, there is even a quick reference section. It will also remind you of the things you are doing right, which we all need after our teens wear us down. If you are married it will keep you both on the same page. There is a place called Mercy Miistry for girls that is by donation only, but I’m not sure what age you have to be.
When my troubled teen was unstable and equally out of control, I pressed charges against her not just for our protection, but to keep her safe, so I wouldn’t have to read about her being dead in a gutter on the side of the road. They took her from the hospital directly to the jail. I figured if she was going to go to jail I would rather her be young and separated from the general population. I told her you will hate me for a season, but respect me for a life time. Because I filed a restraining order against my own child for harming us, I was not allowed to visit her while she was behind bars. But I put money in her account for shampoo and other needs, not alot, but just enough to let her know we still loved. She was very angry at us specifically me, it felt like eternity, this is the same teen that won’t stop thanking me for not giving up on her, the same teen that tells me that she did alot of thinking behind bars and said she knows it was me that put money in her account, She says she doesn’t understand why she is alive and a friend of hers is dying. I told her is was the prayers and tears of a mother that kept her alive. We are not perfect parents, I haven’t met a perfect parent yet, I have had my share of fighting with God, to the point of yelling out “uncle”, cussing under my breath at the system and at my teen, I am sure I entained a few demons, but I never stopped loving her no matter what. I too missed “MY” little girl not the stranger that stood before me holding my child prisioner, but “My” little girl. And somehow I had to find a way to pull her out, the clock was ticking and I was running out of time. Let’s face it, if we don’t hold our teens accountable society will. And to be perfectly honest, society could careless about our teens, it is us as mothers that will love our teens no matter what. Dads are alittle different, they shut down appear detached,believe me they are feeling it, with men the depression presents it’s self as anger, because the pain is too much to bare and the guilt of failure is to overwhelming, but they do break and they eventually do no matter how Macho they may present themselves, there is nothing worse than seeing the heart of a Daddy break, I have witnessed it first hand.
Unfortunately, she didn’t deal with seperation well. We had her in counseling for years but she still had emotional issues from her past. then she got involved with this guy she briefly dated — he is a compelte jerk, treats her like crap, I suspect has hit her (seen bruises) calls her horrific names and then she cryies and apologizes to him for being such a bad person. He has her wrapped around his finger. He lives here and she has come home every weekend to see him – – not our home but to stay with him.
She is supposed to come home from school a few days ago, but we have not seen her yet. I have now had two people come and tell me that she is pregnant. I think that is why she is not home.
I am completely sick to my stomach. She is 19 and troubled but really is very very very immature for her age, doesn’t have a clue about much of anything. I am not going to raise her kid for her but she is not capable. She wil not want an abortion or adoption, I think she will think this is how she can keep thsi guy.
…needless to say her father hasn’t exactly been the best of influences in her life. Shortly after she came to me I fought desperately to get her to catch up on her school work, everything seemed to be evening out, but I guess I was kind of blinded by the euphoria of having my baby back. About 4 months into her living with me, I caught her chatting on-line using inappropriate and sexual content. So I immediately put a password on my computer. Not long after that I caught her smoking cigarettes with one of her troubled friends, I tried grounding her but it didn’t do any good. After being ungrounded less than 24 hours, I caught her sneaking out of my house, things increasingly went down hill from there, she got into some alcohol in my home, so we moved out of the area we were living in hoping to give her a fresh start. She automatically started associating with the wrong people and she came home high off pot. Not knowing what to do, I called the police, told them where she had gotten high and contacted the girl she had been with. Of course this led to her being threatened at school, so I had two meetings with her principal, I was referred to a family resource center, where she could attend group and participate in community service. Hoping that these steps would put an end to the rebellion. But this Monday, my teen was suspended from school for being an accomplish to theft. Being at wits end I have pulled her out of school and plan to home school her for the time being, but emotionally I’m exhausted. My other two troubled teens spend a lot of time being pushed to the way side because we are forced to focus so much of our attention on my teen. I feel so lost and helpless…we are a good solid family and we always try to let our kids know that we are here for them and that we know whats it’s like to be in their shoes, but I just can’t seem to reach her. We’ve gone through counseling, but she refuses to let anyone in, and she manipulates the conversation to the point that her counselor is telling me she needs more freedom. But in my opinion more freedom would just equal out to even worse issues. I’m only 34 and I’m not ready for grandchildren or worse. My doctor has now put me on anti-depressants, but that doesn’t resolve my real problem….. HOW DO I GET THROUGH TO HER? So here I am hoping for some guidance and support, from others in the same troubled situation.
We’ve gone through counseling, but she refuses to let anyone in, and she manipulates the conversation to the point that her counselor is telling me she needs more freedom. But in my opinion more freedom would just equal out to even worse issues. I’m only 34 and I’m not ready for grandchildren or worse.
I read this and couldn’t believe how similar our stories were. My teen also has the counselor we are in with believing that somehow we have this overwhelming need to control and then yet also said she feels we are too laid back. This was said to us after she was alone with my teen for an hour in therapy. She too feels she should have more freedom. But the sad thing about that is that as soon as we do give her an inch she takes more than a mile and has endangered her life more than once. And she too is 15. She has jumped out her window, snuck off with older boys numerous times, already been sexually active and has become so defiant that I am still in shock. She has also always been an honor student and just recently received numerous zeros in her classes.
…You tell me to ease up with my 17 year old and your 14 year old is acting as bad as my 17 year old? Who needs to ease up? Thing is you start tight reigns on this girl at 14 by the time she is 17 she will end up in jail or living on the streets. Take a dose of your own medication, ease up and give her a taste of womenhood. Maybe she will grow up.
Sorry this has sounded so harsh but she hit a nerve telling me this then I go back and I read her own post about her troubled teen???? She doesn’t have a out of control 17 year old? Instead she has a out of control 14 year old that will only get worse unless she gets more strick and demand more of the law!
I was raised in a very strick living conditions and I never was like my teen is or your teen is. I still believe in living under these conditions, because we feel like it does a child good to have strick guidelines. My other 2 are no where near what my troubled 17 year old is. They fear him and hate him. Should they be subjective to this type of living?
I would like to present three ideas….. 1st might sound crazy. I know this sounds sooooo awful and would really feel even worse- However, have you considered signing over guardianship to these people who give so much to your troubled teen without your permission? Why would I say something so mind blowing? 1. That would make them accountable for your sons actions (getting you out of a legal hot seat they are helping to place you in). 2. Sooner or later they would know what you were talking about and maybe be in your shoes. Since he seems to hold them on a pedestal, maybe then, they could somehow direct him (with their finances) towards the rehabilitation it’s going to take. Once he goes thru that, he may see the love in your actions. 3. Chances are, he would still be dependent on them after he turns 18, so they would eventually, if he does continue his behavior, also be concerned about the influence on their own teens and have reality check. 4. On the chance they refuse your offer to sign him over to them, it may show your teen or others some key points. 5. Or you could also make an agreement, that they either accept responsibility this way, for the rebellion they are directly provoking by their obvious disrespect that they are showing to you as the parent of this young man, or, they are to back off before their good name and finances get drug into court. 2nd IDEA. Did you know you could get a restraining order against them? Based on several facts you have already touched on, here’s a few reasons. A. your the troubled parent. B. Life threatening- where else would he get the money for a gun? C. Contribution to the delinquency of a Minor. D. Should anything happen to you, they could be held as an accessory to the act, for their roll, aid and support. Since they inspired & encouraged him him thru their dissrespect of you, their disregard for your saftey, their financial backing of his difience, their direct contradictory actions to things you put in place in order to guide and teach your teen, which is a direct cause influencing his feeling of hate towards you and those restrictions. There again, a RO may work to your disadvantage in salvaging an immediate relationship with your teen. But, could be termed hard love, for his own good. Also, sometimes it’s good to know you do have options. Even if it is not one you want to take. A third IDEA. To sign papers emancipating your teen. Letting him know you are there for him and love him. However, now, his actions are on him, as are his choices. In most the USA the base age for this is 16 I think. This could have lasting repercussions on his education though, unless you have a judge place his staying in school, in the legal documents as a condition. Although there is no replacing a parents love, the consequences of diverting so much attention to one, thru stress, time, money and other avenues, will certainly effect the other troubled teens and your own sanity (as you have already agreed). If you do not take care of your own well being, sad to say, he may accomplish his cruel and callous threats without laying a hand on you. If you do not recharge your own batteries and take care of the family’s safety as well as your own safety, then a stoke or heart attack can creep up on you. You are to precious. The longer and more you continue in this cycle the more control your actually giving your teen. Even in your sleep. I may be totally of base, and I apologize if I am, However sometimes it seems like the more we show love, the more we are not appreciated. This could apply to anyone. Sometimes we do not know just how good we have it till it is gone (not just for a week or a month). Maybe that would wake him up. Help him fly straighter before turning back gets much harder.
…my teen never said to us that he would hurt us in anyway. im not going to say that we did not have some knock out drag out fights in our house we sure the hell did. he told me the other night t and he is 25 now. that he is pretty sure he is bipolar, which I have to agree, and ever since he got back from iraq he has had a hard time controlling his anger and doesnt sleep well. but because he his a doc and the marines are all in denial, he his afraid to ask for help!! pretty damn sad would you not say. he comes home this week for Christmas and if he will let me I will see if he wants to talk with someone about it. but knowing him he will say he can handle it. so even at his age they dont want to deal with the fact that they have problems. now tweet you have to come up with some way to get your teen some help or just get him out of the house. he has no right to make your life a mess or for you to be afraid of him. there has to be some kind of law about threatening you and the rest of the family. It is to troubling sometime. he is just being a asshole and you should not put up with it .I no has a mother I was stuck in the middle between my teen and his father,, pat was so angry with the way he was treating us and him self, and me being the peace maker just wanted everyone happy. we had so much love and hate for him it was insane. let me no if the law can help or do you have to be killed before they will help.
I sat here after 4 hours of grueling fighting with my teenager. Got so bad I had to call the cops on him twice. BOTH times they would not arrest him at all! First time they came to the house they asked what was going on and if he had weapons and if he ever threatens to use them. Told they yes (they sent 2 cars to my house this time) he said “Don’t talk to me while I am holding a gun because I know how to use it.” You would have thought that was enough for them to take him in. But no. They spoke with him told him to straighten up or they would have to take him in. He kept trying to lie to them but them seen right through him. They told him I was the boss and he was to listen and do everything I tell him to do. He said yeah I will listen and do what she tells me to do. And blah you know. They no longer left the driveway when he started screaming and yelling, you are a psycho bitch all you do is call the cops. Your nothing but a lying whore and now I demand answers. I kept telling to stop and shut up. Then my 13 year old told him to be nice, he said Nope I am not listen to you homo! My troubled 17 year old kept it up until he woke my husband up. My husband is working the 7pm – 7 am shift and was sleeping at 2pm. Then my husband got up and yelled “Devin what is all the yelling and bitching about?” My teen told him ‘Your wife who needs psychological help of a whore called the cops on me again and I did not do anything. And she does not deserve the right to be called my mom. I wish she was dead and gone forever so I can have my freedom and fun.” My husband just signed at him and looked at me and said did you call the cops on him. I told him “Yep and I kept telling him to shut up and he kept calling me names and I will not stand for it any more. My husband said what are you going to do about it? I said “I am calling them back he does not want to listen to us or them.” I told my husband we cannot get through to him or penetrate his brain what else can we do?
The same 2 cops came out again within 30 mins. I was crying my eyes out. Told them when they left he said he that he was not going to listen to me he did not care what they said and was not going to listen to them and he was going to cause me much trouble. That he was in the house throwing his things around, slamming his door as loud as he could get it. Even trying to rip it off the wall, and yelling at me and my teen saying” See what you are making me do?” The officers said they were going to speak to him outside if it was ok. We ok’ed it. We could hear them asking him questions and he went off the wall at them. Then we heard the officers yelling at him telling him he best straighten up or they was hauling him off then he was screaming back at them this went on for 15 minutes. Then they came in and said it was settled and should not have no more problems! That they could not do anything unless he did something major like “like you put it I would have to almost wind up dead.” That is a shame. When he moved out we gave him 2 alternatives, 1. he could straighten up and live by the rules and do as we say or 2. Simply move out! So guess what he did move out but in return he told the school, the people he was living with that we threw him out on the streets! CPS said that is called NEGLECT. How can that be neglect when we gave him 2 alternatives?
So if we let him go and tell him to get out then CPS would be at our front door because he would say we threw him out and he got neglected. Then I would loose 13 year old and 16 year old because of him. Meanwhile he makes our life a living hell. The cops will not arrest him or let us file another “out of control report” all they want to do is talk to him like it is getting through to him!
I sat and had time to think about posting but all I could do is cry and shake for the past 4 hours. I am living in total fear and I know it will be me one of these days at the rate would end up dead or something along with my other teens. What do I do get the law to arrest him or remove him from us so we do not have to live in this fear? I keep a journal of what he does every day for my own protection and the kids, in case anything should ever happen.
I am writing to you because my near 15 yr old teenager has been drinking. I found this info out last week when she left her purse at home. I know alot of people would say “don’t snoop” well, I disagree with that when you can’t trust your teen. Inside I found a note where a friend had asked her how she lost her cell phone… My daughters reply was “I was so wasted off of Jim Beam, I don’t know what happened to it, but it’s gone” I confronted her… she admitted that she was drunk the night she lost her cell phone. About a week prior to me confronting her, her Drama teacher had emailed me and told me that he had “heard” that my troubled teen was drunk during the production of the school play..later he emailed me back saying it was a rumor.. well, it wasn’t. My teen admitted to drinking a half a bottle of Black Velvet Whiskey before the play.She doesn’t remember anything about that night besides her BF picking her up. When she got home she just said she had a headache (migraine) and was going to bed. I didn’t think twice about it. I am frightened.. when I was a teen it was “wine coolers” I didn’t drink as my sister is an alcoholic, and so was my maternal grandfather. I am concerned and especially so because it is straight up whiskey, not that anything else would be better…but a teen girl w/ straight up whiskey?? I am not sure if I am even writing the right place.. I am just so worried.
I am going through the same thing with my almost 15 yr old. She is sexually active (or at least has been) we had a pregnancy scare (negative TY) she has snuck out her window to go smoke pot, she has been drinking. The counselor never seems to touch on these issues, it’s like she is afraid my troubled teen will get mad then she won’t get any more money!! It’s always “Can you see how she feels that way.” Yes, I can see how being a teen is difficult, but cussing us out, sneking out, drinking, doing weed, etc, no I cannot see that. My heart goes out to you. I am right there with you.
It sounds to me like its time to crack down for her own good. You do not need another adult with a P. H. D. to tell her. You may consider writing her a note, since she likes notes, let her know what you will require and why- you love her and want the best for her. I would search her room, purse, school bag etc. on a regular basis. Keep track of who she is with when she gets in trouble. Confiscate anything inappropriate you find and steer her away from bad influences. Get her involved in a sport if you can. Our high school has a strict no tolerance policy concerning drugs and alchohol. Get caught and you are off the team. Do not worry be thankful you discovered the behavior early on.
Although I stay in India and we dont have such problems in our country India, yet I am sad to know the plight of American girls . I have to suggest that mother has to take charge of the teen. I repeat that there can never be a better counsellor for a teen than her mother. Instead of spending money on her counsellors better spend enough time with your teen. Dont drink yourself. Dont fight with her. Talk to her in a freindly manner. Talk to her about the good and the bad.
I am looking for some good advice. My teen just turned 18 and with that we have had a few issues arise. She has told us that she wants to get a tattoo or piercing since she can now. We told her that she could not do that, and her response was “I am 18 so I can do it legally”. She also has asthma so cannot be around smoke, but decided that since she could legally purchase a flavored cigar that she would do so and then smoke it. She got very upset when my husband and I told her she could not do this again, due to her health. She is a senior in high school, and is really a good kid, but feel that she is struggling and is troubled as are we on how to deal with her independence and being 18.
Our troubled dtr is turning 18 in one month. She has always told us that once she turns 18 she was out of the house and on her own…well.. .as most of us know, things change as the time gets closer. She won’t graduate until June and then plans on staying at home and going to a Community college for two years before moving out on her own. Her father and I agree to this arrangement and think it’s a smart choice. We are just wondering how much our rules should change once she is 18…or once she graduates. We have what we feel are moderate rules right now. Curfew is midnight. Respect to family. Chores done everyday..her’ s are dishes, keep room reasonably clean, pick up after yourself. Let us know where you are. Grades above a C Punishment for now following rules …is usually grounding for a day or two. My personal feelings are that her curfew should stay the same until after graduating.. then only to 1am…I can’t sleep unless I know she is home safe. Continue with chores and letting us know where she is. She is a good student, works part time, and all around good kid. Not to say we haven’t had our struggles with her…but things are much better in the last year.
I have a 12 year old teenager who is very rude. She has a smart mouth and thinks everyone owes her something. When she is out of control, we will take things from her such as her IPod or Computer privileges. But the problem I have is now with my fiancé and her.
My teen is 13 and her mouth seems like it will be the death of her. Her and dad are always at oddds (and since the adolscence we are at odds, too) and since my teen is oppositional, she LOVES to pit us against each other. Always think of it this way – united you stand, divided you fall. My troubled husband cannot control his temper and yells when she mouthes off. This does not help – it just perpetuates the situation and creates a vicious cycle that doesn’t end, which drives me crazy. I am not sure what advice I can give you other than therapy – therapy can help you come together as a family and teach you how to stand united as parents…we start this month and I am really looking forward to it.